Firearm violence

Welcome to yet another year of people being mowed down by a hail of bullets… schools, grocery stores, public gatherings… everywhere. No one is safe.

Is this a gun problem? Not really. Is it mental illness? Not really. Is it hurt, damaged, pushed-to-the-limit individuals who have lost sight of any other thoughts or solutions? Most definitely. Are schools properly locked and secure? Usually not.

While, by definition, this is not mental “illness”, it is mental instability. People lost in a system that doesn’t care about mental “health”. Our insurances, except for *maybe* medicaid, don’t provide adequate coverage for folks to even get regular talk-therapy. Even my medicare with supplement does a half-assed job of making sure folks have support and coping mechanisms. We need tools for working thru anger and understanding where our feelings are coming from so that we don’t lash out at others.

The United States of America has a mental health and medical care problem. Our government just throws us under the proverbial bus. “Good luck,” they say.

I am a firm believer that everyone needs a confidante who can offer support and tools to manage stress and challenges. Plainly, everybody could use psycho-therapy [talk therapy]. Few people without diagnosable mental illness need medication, but they do need to air their grievances and find healthy ways to work out frustration and anger. Lowering the hammer of government prohibition and restrictions on firearms won’t make a lick of difference in our nation’s problems.

In fact, disarming the citizens only serves to weaken them when facing a tyrannical leadership. We have the second amendment to provide a way to fight back when Uncle Sam oversteps his boundaries. There has not been a moment in my adult life when we haven’t been under the rule of tyranny and terrorism. Just saying…

I lost my psycho-therapist in January. He had to move to another state. We had an arrangement so that I could pay what I could afford. Trust me when I say, most care providers want the money before helping you. I was lucky to have someone work with me for over a decade who cared about my mental health and not the all-mighty dollar.

Now, I am facing losing my psych meds provider because my insurance kicked their office out of network and I cannot afford to pay out of pocket. I guess this office failed to payoff the insurance company… who knows. It is all a money bureaucracy with no interest in human well-being.

I feel like my mental health has been under constant attack in 2022. And I feel that more shootings could be avoided if people, especially young people, are encouraged and supported to seek out therapy. No one should be ashamed to have a therapist. Getting help is the strong, wise course of action.

Don’t doubt that the “-isms” of the world are inherently evil, but not every shooting is about an “-ism”. But every shooting is about a human. And that human probably needed help long before reaching their breaking point. Whether therapy or diversity training, or both, might have stopped some of the recent shootings, we will never know. But wouldn’t it be nice if everyone had the option and freedom to seek out therapy?

As a felon, my right to bear arms and my right to vote have been stripped from me, tho I never used a firearm in an inappropriate way, ever. And I am not allowed into my child’s school because I am on the sex offender registry. But people still fear me. I just don’t comprehend the lack of logic in our criminal justice and health care systems.

Nevertheless, I have had my say. I hope this finds you all well and safely out of public spaces, for the most part. Mahalo.

Happy Beltaine

Hope this finds you all well and enjoying your May Day. I think I have discovered the end of my celebrations. Don’t know if I will ever have sex again, moretheless outside or for ritual. Slim pickings and no takers. How long til I am a virgin again?

Stay safe. Mahalo.

My boy found comfort at last.

This has been a very positive week. I wanted to check in here, my streaks of silence have run long of late. My big news is that our oldest child, Devyn, had top surgery this week and is finally more comfortable in his own skin.

Surgery was on the 20th and first follow up was today. Healing well and on track for a great recovery. I couldn’t be happier for them and Devyn is over the moon.

Hope you all have a wonderful Earth Day and a beautiful weekend. Below is a pic of Devyn’s new chest, which will be healing over several weeks. If you are sqeamish, don’t peek. Mahalo, my friends.

Still here, I promise.

My absences have been lengthy this year, Year Two of constantant low grade depression. I apologize for that. I have not given up on my commitment to this blog as a sort of journal. My writing, both blogging and stories, has been slow going. I have to have a mood and that mood has been missing. Just staying on task for daily existence has been challenging. I have had items on my to-do list literally from a year ago. My pain levels are new and constant. I feel my condition with the psoriatic arthritis and the accompanying ankylosing of my spine has sped up with my lack of participation in the outside world. My spiritual practices are at bare minimum acknowledgement of days going by, but not really engaging my heart. All this sucks.

There is still plenty of positive in the darkness. I have a wonderful family and supportive partners, especially dear Hubby. All his and my biological babies and grandbaby were able to be here for Thanksgiving. It was our first full family gathering for that particular holiday since before we bought this house, so it was a landmark occasion.

Hannukah went by quickly, but was peaceful and good. I always enjoy celebrating miracles. And more to come… Yule, Christmas, and a slew of birthdays back to back. Whew… tires me to consider and we still haven’t cleaned the menorahs for storage.

Nonetheless, I wanted to take a moment to check in. You are in my thoughts and I hope this finds you well. I do hope to blog again before the new year, but at this point, I can’t make any promises. Stay warm, try to not lose hope.


October flew by, and November isn’t much slower

My apologies for disappearing. Still here and as well as can be. I have started a new infusion medicine for psoriatic arthritis this past month. So, I am hoping for health improvement.

We had a fairly good Halloween/Samhain. An extremely limited version of trick-or-treat happened, and I managed to mostly keep up with the help of my walker.

There has been quite a bit of emotional upheaval and worry about the people I love. I know we will get thru this, but golly, growing pains and transitional phases of life can really suck.

I hope this finds you all well and that I have more cohesive thoughts to share soon. Fingers crossed, all my children will be in over the American Thanksgiving holiday. Then Hannukah will be right on the heels of that this year. The winter holidays are hard to get through emotionally, so wishing the best for all of us, dear Reader.

Stay warm and keep your hopes up.


Merry Mabon 2021

We are at the end of full moon energy and have had a cold overcast day. Time to bring my plants inside.

I love Autumn and hope it can keep my spirits lifted. I miss Dawn off at college and Quin has been showing her soon-to-be pre-teen butt. Life keeps moving ever forward.

In the waning light of this moon, be sure to start removing unhealthy or unneeded items, habits, or people from your life. I am happy to say that this time last month, dear hubby gave up cigarettes, and so far, has been successful in his endeavor to live a little bit longer.

I hope you all have been well and happy in your own ways. I have been working on OnlyFans to fill in some gaps in needed income. So far, so good. 🤞 I have met some wonderful people there [and some stinkers, too] and have made a few more witchy friends.

I guess I am as happy as I can be. Lots of physical pain, but that is inevitable. Take care of yourselves and each other. And enjoy some classic seasonal music:


Ever upward

Today, my dear hubby and I escorted Dawn as she moved to university campus. I wanted to cry, and a few tears did escape, but not that I let her see. Pride is a powerful emotion. Maybe it cometh before a fall, or maybe only after you have scraped up your knees and hands climbing just to be at the beginning of your journey.

May the Lord and Lady watch over Dawn as she journeys ever upward.


August has been challenging

Not early enough to see the Morning Glory blooms open.

Last weekend, I was scammed via telephone by someone impersonating a police officer working for the Sex Offender Registry.  He successfully played on my fears of going back to jail and my family was scared as well. So, long story short, I may have permanently lost $750. I have filed dispute with gift card company, but that guarantees nothing.

These people are targeting sex offenders and using fear to scam and humiliate them. It works. It worked too well. I am shocked and embarrassed still that I never saw the red flags because I was drowned in fear.

859-320-0488 is the number to look out for. It may only be one of several numbers. I’m embarrassed and ashamed to have been duped. It proves how real the PTSD from my experience with the judicial and corrections departments is, even years after my probation ended.

Sex Offender Registries do not protect anyone. They only show you who has been caught and if they are compliant. But it also lists your full name and home address and leaves you vulnerable to a lifetime of abuses that you may or may not have earned. It is punishment above and beyond any other crime, including every form of murder. And it never ends. What was meant to protect has become a weapon.

Now, my soapbox is tucked away. Thank you for sticking with me, dear readers. The battles for mental health are neverending. Stay safe and well, and love one another.


Summer has passed and child heading to University

I can’t believe how quickly this spring and summer has gone by. All my days tend to run together and it hasn’t felt like the break from the mundane that summer should be. Maybe it just doesn’t matter anymore. I am sure the children have been bored outside of screentime. No pools or games, no parties, too much heat, and days filled with rain. The bugs have been extra as well. Ah, don’t mind me, I am in a weird and depressed headspace.

More importantly, I wanted to happily share with you that Dawn has successfully graduated from high school and is on her way to University in just a few weeks. Scholarships, grants, and loans have all been applied for, yet $1,300 balance remains out-of-pocket for her freshman year.

Dawn has asked me to share her Amazon wishlist of necessities for school [computer is want, not need]. The list can be found here:

And anyone who is able to contribute any amount to offset that $1,300, it would truly be appreciated. Dawn has Venmo app, her account there is “@Freedom-Waters”. She can accept Zelle, which I think is her phone number or email, but I don’t want to list them here. Reach out to me if you wish to use Zelle. I, also, have paypal thru email; just put “school” or “college” in the note section. If you use something different to move monies around, just contact me, I may already have it set up and just haven’t thought of it.

I believe Dawn is going to love being there and succeed at University. Electronic Media and Broadcasting is her chosen major. She is more like me than I care to admit, but will go so much farther than I could have dreamed for myself. I want all my children to have their best life and escape my shadow. Not all Moms are easy to live with and I know I have been challenging at times. But I am proud and so full of love.

I can’t promise that I will do any better about keeping up my blog, but I will check in from time to time as long as I am able. And I will definite post updates on Dawn as I can.

Much love and many blessings to you all as we quickly head toward Lughnasadh and the beginning of the new school year. Hope will be in high school and Quin is starting 4th grade. How the time has passed!